Can single people be friends with people who are in committed relationships? This is a question I have been asking myself for many years and I had always leaned towards yes until an encounter last night made me think twice. I've had this friend for many years, she's beautiful and bubbly and is recently single, I've never seen her as a threat, I've always believed that if you are in a secure relationship no one can truly be a threat. She's spent time with my significant other and I've trusted the fact that she knows the boundaries and respects them.
So while sitting with her and having a much needed catch up session, I listened patiently to her stories of love lost and found, of her new mindset to be single and free and take things slow and her new behavior towards men. In fact she stated quite clearly, "I am not sleeping with anyone, if I kiss someone so be it, I'm free right? But men have made me feel so vulnerable, I just want to be friends with them for now". I understand this phase she's going through as I have been through it myself but as I started to ask her about her plans for the following day, a tale emerged that I found myself struggling to be quiet about.
There is a man she has known for many years, he's married and she knows his wife, I didn't think anything of it because as I've stated before I thought she knew the boundaries and respected them. However a tale of flirtation and inappropriate behavior emerged. She informed me that they would be spending the day at the beach together, alone, because his wife would be working. A tiny alarm flag goes up for me, she then proceeds to tell me, "He says that he wants to pick the bikini I wear (laughing) and I told him that only if he puts it on and takes it off for me! (more laughing)"
It is at this point that I must have had a very confused look on my face because she immediately stopped laughing. All I could think about was how this poor wife would feel if she knew that was being said. I could spend the entire day writing all the things she said and many of them would shock you, but the anger I feel right now prevents me from doing that. I quickly wrapped up our little session before I heard anymore and made an excuse to get out of there. I started to think that she is one of the many reasons women who are in relationships find it so difficult to be friends with someone who is unattached.
We are all inherently insecure, it's a trait that we all share as human beings but of course, with everything in life, there are degrees of insecurity and this takes it to a whole new level. One of my goals for 2010 is to be more optimistic so I decided that I won't be narrow minded and judge every single person as a threat because of my misguided friend, I'll keep an open mind, but I will definitely be a little more cautious and selective.
