World Of Tourism

Boundaries have recently been on my mind. I'm not one for boundaries and I've been thinking that maybe I should be. With boundaries comes respect, or so I've been told. But there's the question of how do you institute a boundary with someone who is so used to the way things have been over the years? Do you have a sit down and have the awkward conversation of "this is how things need to be from now on". Currently I've been doing the dodging dance, but then I still get shackled with an awkward conversation, the "where have you been?" one.

Let me elaborate..... I'm the type of person that trusts naively, loves intensely and gives unconditionally. Now as egotistical as that sounds, I'm sure many will verify it's truth. But an incident occurred that made me think twice about the way I treat people and vice versa. It was my daughters birthday, a person who I was very close to, came into my house, ate my food, insulted my mother and behaved like white trash (there really is no other way of putting it)and needless to say I stood with my mouth hanging open practically catching flies. At one point she screamed across the room as she left "remember to bring me leftovers!" She had stayed a total of 30 minutes. To top it off, let's just say the dress code was kiddie friendly and her daughters arrived in outfits that would put hookers to shame.

I'm really not a snob, please don't get the wrong impression, but I can tell you that I like to think of myself as a person with class and when that happens, it insults every fiber of my being. I had to stop and reanalyze the people in my life and the kinds of relationships we have. I haven't seen her since then and its been over two months, she knows why I am not speaking to her, but she doesn't have the decency to find out or apologize but that's an expectation I have to get rid of quicker than the trash on a Tuesday morning. Including her.

My point, is that she is not entirely to blame for the incident, I am just as much to blame. I allow the people in my life to use me as their personal door mat and I never say anything about it, that's why I've decided to set boundaries and let the chips fall where they may. It's cliche to say but if they are true friends, they'll stick around, if not, I'll know where I really stand. I would rather have a few true friends than a million leeches. It's a cleansing feeling, cleaning out the metaphorical trash in your life. I think we all know who they are, and yet we are so scared of being ourselves and fighting for the right for our own rights! Here's to boundaries and the respecting of them!

I'm going to go out on a really precarious limb on this one and say something that's recently been on my mind, are we meant to be in monogamous relationships? There are so many instances of cheating that I'm really beginning to wonder if we're going against the grain on this one. I've been told by a wagging, disapproving finger (obviously attached to an unimpressed person's hands) that saying something like this is almost as bad as denouncing God. There are rules, rules that need to be followed and if not, you're shunned as a leper and banished to your colony, called names like "Hillbilly" and "White Trash". But thoughts are thoughts and if we don't challenge ourselves in our thinking where do we land up? one of the herd.....baa-ing in line and waiting for our rears to be sheared.

I'm not ashamed to think about the box, or bed, in this case. I love my partner, deeply but I know from past experience that relationships are hard work, I've been told that anything that comes easily should be questioned, but why can't love be easy? It's hard merging two lives, different attitudes, different mind sets, different habits and for what? Putting your trust and faith in a person that has animal urges and instincts, praying that their mind will save them if they happen to walk into a tempting situation? I know what you're thinking, and you're absolutely right. I've been hurt, but let me ask, haven't you? Haven't we all?

That's what I'm trying to say, I seem to stray from my point every so often, can't be helped, I'm a woman discovering the world, shaping it in my minds eyes and trying to find my footing. It's not easy when your mind is constantly full of thoughts and I've always felt a little different, a little odd, sort of like a small green ball in an ocean of pink ones. But I wouldn't change it for anything, I wouldn't want to be anyone other than I am. And right now in this moment, I'm questioning monogamy, it's my right to change my mind at any stage, it's my right as a woman or so I've been told. So I'll continue to wonder, not necessarily act, on this newly formed question and I'd love to hear an opinion or two on what you think, believe, feel.