Boundaries have recently been on my mind. I'm not one for boundaries and I've been thinking that maybe I should be. With boundaries comes respect, or so I've been told. But there's the question of how do you institute a boundary with someone who is so used to the way things have been over the years? Do you have a sit down and have the awkward conversation of "this is how things need to be from now on". Currently I've been doing the dodging dance, but then I still get shackled with an awkward conversation, the "where have you been?" one.
Let me elaborate..... I'm the type of person that trusts naively, loves intensely and gives unconditionally. Now as egotistical as that sounds, I'm sure many will verify it's truth. But an incident occurred that made me think twice about the way I treat people and vice versa. It was my daughters birthday, a person who I was very close to, came into my house, ate my food, insulted my mother and behaved like white trash (there really is no other way of putting it)and needless to say I stood with my mouth hanging open practically catching flies. At one point she screamed across the room as she left "remember to bring me leftovers!" She had stayed a total of 30 minutes. To top it off, let's just say the dress code was kiddie friendly and her daughters arrived in outfits that would put hookers to shame.
I'm really not a snob, please don't get the wrong impression, but I can tell you that I like to think of myself as a person with class and when that happens, it insults every fiber of my being. I had to stop and reanalyze the people in my life and the kinds of relationships we have. I haven't seen her since then and its been over two months, she knows why I am not speaking to her, but she doesn't have the decency to find out or apologize but that's an expectation I have to get rid of quicker than the trash on a Tuesday morning. Including her.
My point, is that she is not entirely to blame for the incident, I am just as much to blame. I allow the people in my life to use me as their personal door mat and I never say anything about it, that's why I've decided to set boundaries and let the chips fall where they may. It's cliche to say but if they are true friends, they'll stick around, if not, I'll know where I really stand. I would rather have a few true friends than a million leeches. It's a cleansing feeling, cleaning out the metaphorical trash in your life. I think we all know who they are, and yet we are so scared of being ourselves and fighting for the right for our own rights! Here's to boundaries and the respecting of them!
